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challenge
May 2009 
What was the most difficult promise you made?
Posted on Dec 2nd, 2008
by 
Nightphoenix
Nightphoenix
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for December 02, 2008:
to avoid disagreement whenever possible & when it's not possible to avoid I promised not to take it personally.
I feel good in agreement and I feel bad in disagreement. Some people feel empowered by the hunt of disagreement and others feel wounded by the attack. Although in my life I have managed to put up a good defense I normally feel hurt afterwards. It's just not worth it most of the time.
Access: Public
Disagreement should not be about “I win” or “You lose” A disagreement is just that you and I have different ideas about something. I used to be agreeable to everything and I found that people would take advantage of me. Now I am trying to be assertive, not aggressive. I state how I feel and you state how you feel and we try to find a middle ground that we can both stand on. I say I don't like something, and that is okay. You can say you need something and that is okay too.
we all have words we use to try and describe the emotions inside. Maybe I picked the wrong ones so let me try to clear it up a little. certain people click and others do not click. No amount of negotation will change that. Why spend time with people who disagree wtih you? It feels far better to hang out with agreeable folk. No matter what you say somebody will be polarized by it and others will find agreement with it. Maybe sometimes is worth a disagreement such as someone you care about - somebody you love who is making a mistake but that doesn't count because that person is in a spiritual agreement with you in the first place or you wouldn't care about them.
I suppose there are levels to disagreement. You can disagree with someone provided your click with them but for the people that don't click with you no amount of disagreement helps the cause.
any thoughts?
I appreciate your comment beth – I am curious how others see disagreement.
I know the politically correct answer of how we learn from disagreements but
I gotta be honest ya know – we don't feel good doing it. And more then 90%
of time those in disagreement don't listen… they go with there own agenda.
maybe by being agreeable they will also be agreeable?
It's a stand indeed to have to endour.
A disagreement and or an agreement to the cause, is to be nourished by someone who wants to be nurtured or wisdomally wants to be attacked!
They either want to be helped or they want/need it's challenge of yours, to be their fight!!
Nightphoenix, I think I understand what you mean better. I agree that being around people that just want to disagree or fight with you is no fun and maybe better to just not be around them. I have a brother like that. I can not agree with him because even if I try he changes his opinion. I have even said, “I agree with you.” Only to be told, “Well I don't agree with you.” No you can not win with a person like that.
I was thinking of someone I know who is very passive and will agree to anything. She will not say, for example, “No I would not like to have x I would really rather have b.” So I never know what she is really thinking because she just agrees with what everyone around her thinks or says. She has totally lost who she is and it is really annoying and rather sad.
I was not reading “disagree” as “fight” I was thinking more of just a difference of opinion with lower emotional level.